I am a Christian, which means I follow the teachings of Jesus, the Christ. This website is an expression of my personal, deeply-held beliefs. I have been attacked, mocked, insulted, looked-over, frowned-upon, belittled, shunned, cast aside because I don't agree with the hypocrisy of hiding that which is my life. I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus, the Christ as it has manifested itself in my life. I was afraid, for a moment, that I could not endure the persecution that came from speaking these simple, quite comical, and pretty well-written anecdotes. The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?
There has been a great deal of controversy surrounding my short stories, which are based on real, life-like events but are fiction and created not only to entertain, but hopefully to educate. My deeply held conviction is that God allows us to encounter many different things in life (good, bad, indifferent) for a reason.. The reason is to help somebody. Somebody includes yourself and others. The first person who needs to learn a lesson from my experiences is ME. Once I've learned the lesson that each experience has taught me, I am obligated to share the experience with others, so that somebody else may benefit. I firmly believe that I will be held accountable for if and how I've used every lesson that life has taught me. The hard part about this is most people don't really want to talk about real-life issues. They don't want to face the thought that their pastor, bishop, brother, sister, friend, mother, daughter, father, son may actually be a liar, cheater, child molester... you get the picture. But if we all just pretend there is no problem, what happens to the liar, cheater, child molester...? Would I rather he perish? Would I rather perish myself?
Truth is, there are a lot of ugly, stinking truths lurking right under our noses. I've never understood how we could just keep breathing like we don't smell them. I am not condemning or condoning any religious practice or belief. One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. My personal belief is that each individual must live and die for himself. It took me many years to realize that my judging the foolishness of church made me no better than the actors who donned the stage. With that being said, my stories are not written to hurt or offend. They are shared to help myself and others who may be going through a similar struggle. Any likeness to any individual is merely a coincidence. The characters are fictional and the plots are created, based on my experiences in life. For those of you who read the stories posted previously and provided your feedback, I am eternally grateful. For those of you who read the stories and became enraged, I sincerely apologize. For the one who read the stories and lodged a campaign to destroy my life, I bless you while you curse me. I pray for you, while you persecute me. And there ain't nothing you can do to stop that. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
My mother was a beautiful woman, both spiritually and physically. When I was a little girl, I thought my mom was prettier that Ms. Universe. I literally thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. I remember one day, when I was about three or four years old, my extended family was gathered at my grandmother’s house. It was summertime in Clinton, SC, when all of the cousins who had grown up and moved away, came back to the south to visit family. I can still smell the fried chicken, biscuits and watermelon... no seriously. I don’t know if we were mocking the stereotype or embracing it; but I was definitely developing a lasting love for fried chicken. Danged family reunions! Anyway... on this particular, glorious, fried-chicken-filled day, the family was gathered at my grandmother’s house. The grown-ups (the matriarchs) were in the living room, sprawled onto the rarely-used sofa and chairs, with additions of high-back seats from the dining table and cushioned-bottom chairs from the kitchen forming a circle of love around the room. The teens were somewhere, God only knows where, in the neighborhood. The old men were around back drinking my granddaddy’s home-made muscadine wine. And the kids like me, we were in the yard playing hard. Of course, my playing hard was not quite as hard as everybody else’s. I was a chunky-butt, to say the least, and not interested at all in kick-ball, soft-ball, volley-ball, or any other ball. The only thing I wanted to play was the piano... and at that point, I couldn’t do that either. It took several more years of bedtime prayers and downright shameful begging to get my first piano. So, In my somewhat exaggerated exhaustion, I dared to enter the living room. I figured, I would just say, “I’m thirsty!” and my mom would come to the kitchen and pay me some much-needed, spoiled-brat attention. I tried my best to be quiet as I entered the living room - the last thing I needed was to disturb “grown-folk talking.” I stood outside the door for a minute, wiped the sweat from my face and peeped in, to spot my target.
I tip-toed into the room, whispering, “excuse me,” at every pair of feet; and I landed at the feet of my mother and said, “Mama, I’m thirsty.”
My mom looked down at me and said, “Do you want me to fix you something to drink?”
Ok, now I’m getting aggravated with my mom, cause she’s asking me this dumb question. Who else is gonna fix me something to drink?.... Remember this....... I ain’t crazy! I took my thoughts and opened my mouth and said, “Yes m’aam.”
At that point, the whole room exploded with laughter! Picture twelve heavy-set, strong-willed, Bible-believing, been-cheated-one-too-many-times black women laughing with all their might. OK, if you were in my shoes, what would you do?.....I laughed too!
When the thunder cleared, my mom looked at me and said, “Would you like for me get you some pop?”
Wait a minute... POP? I might be young, chunky, tired, sweaty... I may even be confused... But I am sure of this: My mother does not call soda POP!
It was then I realized, I must have wiped the sweat right into my eyes, because the target that I had marked was not my mother! It was my mother’s not-so-twin cousin! Unfortunately, my mom was sitting right next to her cousin, who must’ve been the second prettiest woman in the world to me because she looked a lot like my mother. I’ve had relatives argue that they don’t look anything alike... ok some of that’s just jealousy; but to a chunky, out-of-breath four-year-old, they might as well be twins.
I was devastated. How could I not know my own mother? Was I that tired?.. that thirsty?... that completely drained of all my senses?
You know what I did, right? Of course, I leaped into my mother’s arms. And even though she was still letting out a little left-over laughter, she held me and said, “It’s okay, you just got confused.”
It was that day that I made a decision to really study my mother’s face, her hands, her hair, her voice, everything about her, so I would never make that mistake again.
It would be years later before I made that same decision about my Father... not my earthly father, he was just a man; but that’s a “whole-nother story”. I’m talking about my Father, God: the One who really made me, who really knows everything about me - from my stink in the bathroom, to my dirt in the bedroom, to my deceit in the boardroom, to my do-nothingness in the decision room. And in spite of all of that, still holds out his arms and says, “It’s okay, you just got confused.”
And even, when I refused to run into His arms; even when I ran away and did everything He told me not to do, He stood there... with His arms ready...waiting... watching... and protecting me, even as His not-so twin was getting all of my attention.
Mistaken identity has caused me to run to my Father’s not-so-twin, who is far worse than my mother’s. My mother’s not-so-twin was a cousin. She didn’t have to disguise herself to look like my mother, it was just natural. My mother’s not-so-twin would not have done anything to hurt me. The story is much different for my Father’s not-so-twin. My Father’s not-so-twin is in no way akin to my Father. He will go to any extreme to make me think he is my Father. My Father’s not-so-twin wants to destroy my soul.
My Father’s not-so-twin has the ability to bamboozle a lot of people to get what he wants. I know. I was once his victim and his tool. He tricked people that I trusted to abuse me. He convinced people that I loved to leave me. He even sold me on the idea that all of his madness was my very own creation. What I thought was pleasure and self-fulfillment, turned out to be my Father’s not-so-twin getting exactly what he wanted: a weapon in his battle to stop my sisters and my brothers from knowing their real Father. And so I was an instrument of evil. ... Yea, I know, that sounds bad. Someone once told me, that I shouldn’t say I allowed the devil to use me. But hey, it is what it is...
“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other...” Matthew 6:24
“....If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.” 1John 2:15-16
“Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. Do you think the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?” James 4:4-5
“......., he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.” James 4: 6-7
The day I decided that I was going to get to know my real Father, His not-so-twin began to use every trick he could muster to stop me. He convinced ex-boyfriends to disguise themselves as decent human beings. He completely brainwashed my boss to believe that when I said, “Good morning!”... what I actually meant was, “You make me sick, you big, dumb, ugly, stupid pig!” He convinced one preacher that there was only one reason I worked so hard and played so hard and sang so hard..... it was all a ploy to make him look bad. He even convinced another that I was the Playboy Pet of the Year... and no matter how many times I actually said, “You make me sick, you big, dumb, ugly, stupid pig!” ....what I actually meant was “Come and get it big daddy!” Now that is some trickery!
I am thankful now for the determination- that continues to grow stronger with every test, trial and trick - to destroy any chances for mistaken identity.....to know my Father.... to write His words in my heart... to know His voice.... to heed to His call.
“....I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people. And they shall teach no more every man his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the Lord: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.” Jeremiah 31:33-34
“He that is of God heareth God’s words..” John 8:47